Disconnected Thoughts...

• The holiday season significantly increases my desire for a girl, who would be something more than a friend, a girl-friend, if you will. I really think some of it has to do with the change in wardrobe. Of course the tan skin and more revealing clothes of summer are appealing to the raging hormones within me. But that appeal is one that I can easily brush off. Sure, the "hot" girl is alluring. But when I envision the perfect girl it's never the type that would universally be esteemed as "hot"--she is beyond "hot" she is "cute." You see "hot" is fleeting...it's makeup, it's clothes, it's 'eye-catching.' But "cute" is pure, it's unique, it's confident, it's refreshing. A "hot" girl demands to be treated well...but a "cute" girl compels you to give more than you have and to be more than you are. Ahh...the Christmas sweatered, mitten and scarf wearing girl of the winter months. You are a pleasant sight to my eyes. You reinvigorate that God-given longing that I try so hard to supress. You torture me and yet you inspire me.
• To Pill or not to Pill. Ok, so most of you know that I have ADD, I would assume. Well I also take this medecine called Adderall (like the highest dosage of it, 30 miligrams). It has increased my productivity immensely...and my ability to maintain the day to day work load in each of my classes. I have been taking it for two years now. But I'm almost a different person when I take. Without it I'm Jimi. With it...well I'm not sure who I am. The pill does several things to me: (1) it cuts my appetite in half, (2) it cuts my desire to be around people in half, (3) it sorta messes up my circulation, my hands get and feet get really cold, (4) I'm more likely to journey into the world of introspection. It's just so wierd. When it wears off at night I feel like I've spent the day as Dr. Jekyll and that I'm suddenly turning into Mr. Hyde.
• The World is going to end in the next 70 years. For me at least. You see I believe that God exists beyond time. You know how the Bible says that like for God a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years a day? Well I believe that what this statement is getting at is that God is BEYOND time. What I mean is that for God, existence is never past or future tense. He inhabits all of Eternity. So for God, the year 1371 is just as much "now" as 2004 is "now" for Him. And if God is this way, then I think we will inherit this state of timelessness when we die. At our death we will go to a completely realized heaven. We won't be waiting for our children or grandchildren to finally make it. They will be there with us. The world will have already ended. In short, I believe that when we die we move beyond all of "history." Of course people may disagree. But I think it is a logical assumption. What do you think?
• I delivered my big Homiletics sermon on Monday. I don't understand why, but I get so nervous about preaching. When it comes to things I really care about I'm like a hyper-perfectionist. It's all or nothing for me. Like papers that I really enjoy writing and get excited about, I often turn in late. Because I don't want to turn it in unless I've put my entire effort behind it. It's really a blessing and a curse. I spent so much time on my sermon and I still felt ill-prepared. It was far from flawless. It was a great improvement from my last message. I have really learned a lot from my Homiletics (Preaching) class. I had way to much information in it though. I went a minute over-time and I was rushing through the last half of the sermon. I spoke on Romans 10:1-4. The crux of my message came from the second verse of chapter 10. "...they (the Unbelieving Jews) are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge." My thesis: The only proper response to God is zealous devotion to Him as the Ultimate END to which the universe and everything in it attests. The conclusion: The unbelieving Jews are a sad reminder to that primal sin of mankind. Mistaking the MEANS for the END. Throughout time man has continually traded the Artist for the painting—the Architect for the building—the Almighty Creator for His creation. The Jews came so close and yet in the end traded their Redeemer for their rules. Paul makes clear that the only proper response to God is zealous devotion to Him as the Ultimate END to which the universe and everything in it attests. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple.” Christ’s words here in Luke 14:26 illustrate the universal paradox of this world: we must hate it, to love it—we must let it go, to get it back—we must die to live. In closing I pose this question to you: Are you spending the precious moments of each and every day in devotion to the Creator…or his creation? I got a B+. I am already psyced about preaching again so I can refine and build on what I learned from the experience.

Here is the ENTIRE sermon manuscript if you're wild and crazy enough (or simply just bored) http://www.geocities.com/og91ff/Sermon--Romans10--1-4.doc

My name is Jimi.

P.S. I enabled POSTING on this little blog thing. So feel free to respond, disagree, encourage, or spout off. Or perhaps you like to remain anonymous? Either way.

AN ode OF thanks TO THE giver

Psalm 100
Shout for joy to the LORD , all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

As I reflect upon my life and the Thanksgiving and Holiday season that is upon us I can't help but to be overwhelmed by the bless-ed life I am fortunate to live. All my needs and most of my wants are met--my life is nearly care free. And yet it isn't. It's funny because we rich American types have an abundance that much of the world could never even fathom and yet our culture is so spiritually famished. And it seems Satan is happy to let it be as such. I am so thankful for the privelidged life I lead and yet it is that very life that fights my spirit so intensely. Many times coming out the victor. How often I trade a 2 hour film for the Word of God...I spend my day fulfilling ME not HIM. I was wondering...What if I had no material blessings to be thankful for? It seems almost impossible to imagine such a circumstance, but surely the possibility exists. My parents seem to insist, that in the early years of their marriage, such was (nearly) the case. I'm sure that guy who wrote the NT would testify to the possibility. So if we are to always be praising and thanking God than what is the essential thing that we should be thankful for? Of course the obvious answer is HIM--a true statement, no doubt. But what about our condition? What does God have to offer to us which cannot be altered with worldly circumstances? Obviously there are many different angles one could approach this...But I think the answer is PERSPECTIVE. It's what separates the spiritual man from the fleshly man. We have insight that they do not have. We are fully aware that this place is not our home...We weren't made for this world. Peter calls us 'strangers' (or 'soljourners') in the world. We're just passing through...If things aren't perfect, oh well...pretty soon they will be. Lewis has a marvelous illustration for this point (in his essay--Answers to Questions of Christianity):

Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it is a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of this world would become pessimists: the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic.

I praise the Almighty for making an unbearable world bearable and an the Infinite World attainable. With such a perspective in view the things of the world loose their ultimate appeal and yet they are made available for us to partake in (in a Godly fashion) for one purpose--to give us but a glimpse of the splendor that is to come. Yet when they become the goal and no longer the means...then well we shall receive that what we had wanted--infinite disappointment.

I'm twice the man I used to be. Jimi OUT.

P.S. Next time some chump cuts us off...lets try to remember that this world is more like a prison than a hotel...I think it pleases God immensely to see his people begin to give up their petty spouts of anger and resentment toward fellow man. How can we possibly blame a sinner for being what he is...maybe we should be more upset with the Believer acting like a sinner!

P.S.S. Pray for me...I am preparing a sermon (Romans 10:1-4) for my preaching class this monday. Perhaps I'll post it up on this thing.

Will I ever be happy?

“Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other” (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14). I read through Ecclesiastes tonight. If you read the last entry than you know why. God is really teaching me so much though. Happiness is a crock (stay with me on this). You see our culture (myself included) has this idea that happiness is the ultimate aim of existence. Even Christians whether they would claim such a truth or not, we live like it. We aren’t any more responsible and intentional about life than the ‘world.’ I just spend an hour playing Mario Kart and another 40 minutes watching TV…and I’m no better for it. In fact I usually have ask for forgiveness (for my course language) by the time I’m through. Thankfully such wasteful occurrences are gradually decreasing through God’s changing and renewing efforts in my life. But my friends…I plead with you…wake up! Satan has fooled you into thinking that life is about being happy. Our purpose on earth is twofold: loving God and loving people. I would suggest to you that if each and every activity we partake in each day to not aid in either of those activities than they are futile. I’m not suggesting that video games and television can no longer be a part of our days. But not in the way that the world would partake in them…the heathen plays video games with his mind off and unengaged…the Christian by using it as a means to cultivate relationships or connect with God (and if he isn’t then his activity is entirely useless and retains no redeeming value). But back to ‘happiness.’ Happiness as I speak of it is the immediate pleasure that we constantly seek. We seek it, often, at the cost of obligation and reason. God has something better than our foolish and capricious ideas about what will make us happy. He tells us that HE is what we want whether we ‘feel’ it to be true or not. And when we obey Him and remain consistently united to Him he gives us something far better than happiness…he gives us Joy. Joy often includes the feelings (of happiness) but it is not confined to them. And how is God teaching me this you might ask? Because what I have just stated is exactly how I would describe my current state. I don’t feel happy at all, but I am filled with joy. God has been ministering to me in such a unique way and He is doing things in me that undisturbed gladness could never yield. I’m thankful for such days. In them God reminds me that I don’t belong here and the yearning that I have can never be completely be realized in this world. We are four-dimensional creatures living in a three-dimensional world. I leave you with I Corinthians 13:12 (One of my all time favorite verses). “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” I can’t wait. Gone.

Olly Olly Oxen Trapped

Today is one of those days I just feel isolated. I get the feeling often lately. It’s not so much a depressed or disillusioned feeling just sort of an indifferent feeling. For some reason it drives me into a hyperactive frenzy. I think its cause I have so much energy that I would really like to be ‘connecting’ with someone or some group and when I can’t use it doing that I simply just burn it off through spastic energy. When I use the word ‘connecting’ I mean particularly conversing with others on an intimate level (especially spiritually). Unfortunately I don’t get as much of that here at school as I would like and it is perhaps my greatest source of discontentment at this stage in my life. I don’t necessarily blame any of my friends or anything. I place the blame squarely on myself. Of course my closest friends (most of them from high school) I have this depth with and it is pretty easy and natural to have such an exchange. I think the potential is here…but much more difficult to instigate. I guess this feeling is so frustrating because we aren’t made simply to take in but also to pour out. And I feel like I haven’t been able to pour out very much lately…I guess this journal is probably a product of this particular frustration. Although I have no idea who if anybody actually reads this stuff, it gives me satisfaction to know that ‘it’s out there for somebody.’ In this particular state of frustration I am reminded of how important and magnificent my relationship with Christ is. I’ve never really had an intimate (by which I mean deep) consistent relationship with anyone. I have some great friends who I’m close with but it seems that most of my life I have lived in a perpetual state of loneliness. Which I’m very much used to. But it doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. But I see to great benefits of loneliness. The first, it has driven me to God and has aided my intimacy with Him in ways that nothing else could. Secondly, I think the exile makes the promise land all that much sweeter. The promise land: a godly female companion. Perhaps everyone believes this, but I am certain that God has not only prepared a perfect match but that he has prepared me for marriage is such a profound way that the fruit thereof will be recognizably superior to the rest. Maybe you laugh and snicker at this proposition but I believe it wholeheartedly. I believe God has (for whatever reason) given me a very clear vision for this area of my life (any many others as well). Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” I think most people are happy for the normal or even good. I won’t settle for anything but the perfect. Peace.

Heaven makes my head hurt…

Ya feel me? Believe it or not almost everyone I know has experienced moments of dismay and bewilderment at the thought of heaven. The idea of eternity is particularly unsettling to me. In theory you would think that we would rejoice at the notion of immortality but it doesn’t compute in our minds. Our greatest experiences in life are so momentary and their greatness exists almost entirely in a memory. In fact the memory often increases the perceived greatness of the experience through exaggeration and so a ‘good time’ becomes ‘the greatest time ever.’ Thus the greatness of an event is really amplified by the mundane and unpleasant nature of the rest of life. And here I believe lies the apprehension and near dismay we experience in the thought of heaven. Because it won’t be like those few wonderful moments we have experienced on earth, not even like the peaceful contented periods of serenity (such as experienced in an healthy family). Happiness, or more accurately described—Joy, is never completely consummated and that is what makes it so desirable to us. I liken it to that almost forbidden feeling one gets when pursuing something or someone that can’t be had (“the grass is always greener on the other side” mentality). The larger and lengthier the suffering the greater the fulfillment in consummation and so the enigma of humanity is exposed. We want what we can’t have and if we somehow get it we find that it was to easy to get or that we settled for less than we could have had. Lewis says, “the very nature of Joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting.” So Heaven is unfathomable because we know nothing and will never know anything like the promise of Heaven. So I’ve found that an element of faith is required not simply to get to Heaven but also to believe in its benevolence. I picture it like this: imagine a boy who likes a girl and pulls out all the stops to lure her affection and finally realizing she is impossible gives up and precisely at that moment she responds to his invitation and the two finally marry. I see eternity with Christ as that Joy unlike any ever experienced. A Joy that perfectly unites desire a consummation in one continuous never-ending moment. Presently we know nothing even like it…simply split-second glimpses of Joy which gratify but ultimately disappoint. And so we see how essential ‘faith’ is…Paul tells us that without it “it is impossible to please God.” Faith unites those split-second glimpses of Joy with an Absolute Truth that remains even after the feeling subsides.

Toodles.

P.S. I’m working on a poem…perhaps I will post it on this puppy when I finish it. Also I have a have what I belief to be a biblical checklist for a wife entitled My paper Companion.

P.S.S. My thoughts in the above entry are in part a response or reflection on the C.S. Lewis autobiography, Surprised by Joy. My thinking over that last few months has been encouraged and enriched tremendously my reading some of his works. I am inspired by the man and plan to read through his entire catalogue as swiftly as possible. I’m not sure there have been many wiser in all the earth than Clive Staples. Thus far I’ve read: Mere Christianity, The Weight of Glory, The Great Divorce, Surprised by Joy, Reflections on the Psalms, and many of his various essays and letters. I would recommend any one of them.

C.S. doesn’t BS

Until last year the reading a book would perhaps be the last thing you would find me partaking in on a Friday night…but my friends, God has been ever-changing me…removing my apathetic deeds of insignificance and replacing them with others that more clearly serve His purposes. A newfound love and aptitude for reading is just one example. I have especially grown fond of a Mr. C.S. Lewis (particularly the book Mere Christianity, which is up to this point in my life the most inspiring and enlightening books I’ve ever read). Tonight I read another one of his classic novels, The Great Divorce. This book is a response to William Blake’s The Marriage of Heaven and Hell and in the book Lewis explores biblical and extra-biblical ideas about Heaven and Hell. He would be the first to admit that much of it is speculative but is reasonable and thought provoking. One of his most interesting assertions is that Hell is not simply a place where those unsaved souls are held hostage but rather a place of their own making. He hypothesizes that perhaps it isn’t so much that they are forced to Hell but rather they choose it, even given an opportunity to look upon Heaven they still do not find it desirable because they have built a life on themselves or on ‘stuff’ and thus have no idea what they would do in heaven. Just as an undisciplined ignorant fool would have no use or desire for a university. Some of his guestimations also suggest possible scenarios, for those who had no formal opportunity to accept Christ in this life to be given opportunity to do so. Here’s a cool quote:

The whole difficulty of understanding Hell is that the thing to be understood is so nearly Nothing. But ye’ll have had experiences…it begins with a grumbling mood, and yourself still distinct from it: perhaps criticizing it. And yourself, in a dark hour, may will that mood, embrace it. Ye can repent and come out of it again. But there may come a day when you can do that no longer. Then there will be no you left to criticize the mood, nor even to enjoy it, but just the grumble itself going on forever like a machine. (In Lewis’ mind even the littlest most insignificant of choices throughout our lives will gradually make us either a creature fit only for Heaven or solely for Hell)

P.S. If you don’t enjoy reading I admonish you to endeavor to. I don’t see how a person can truly grow efficiently without a discipline for it, after all, the very Word of God is encased within the context of a book and we must certainly be avid students of the Scriptures! And for those pursuing ministry I don’t see how there can be any way around reading. We are blessed to have so many resources at our fingertips, blessed to be able to read the thoughts/sermons/summations of great minds wholly devoted to Christ and shame on us if we don’t take advantage of such an opportunity. I have little respect for the minister who has no aspirations to monthly/weekly/daily desires to better himself and pursue greater proficiency in knowing God, His Word, and His creation more completely.

I’m gone.

you listen to DMB. do you listen to YHWH?

Don’t get me wrong…I got nothing against secular music and would never condemn anyone for listening to it. But tell me this Christians…do you even own or listen to any Christian CD’s? If we love Christ and delight in Him then it seems to me that our life should be saturated with Him. Maybe I’m crazy and perhaps I sound over the top. But for real…there are a plethora of options in the world of Christian music. I’m sorry if it seems like I’m always preaching on this thing, but for the most part they are sermons I have had to preach at myself because I have wrestled with the issue. I think Satan loves to trick us into separating our world into 3 parts…bad, good, neutral. And often the argument that I’ve heard and even used myself is…“well it’s not bad…or it’s not thaaat bad.” I’ve come to believe however that Satan is not only happy with us settling for bad. He is also content to see us set up camp in the neutral. Just give it a try sometime. I can’t tell you how many times God has connected with me through godly music. I particularly remember one time when I had had a really rough week and sin was abounding and I popped in a CD (Cross Movement—one of my favorite rap groups…they’re cool I promise) and God just hit with this one song “All day.” The line that hit me: “I would have had to bleed, just to pay for my own sin, but Christ came and now I owe Him, and can’t repay, I can’t repay, So check the chant we say, Jesus the Christ all day every day.” Man God just hit me with the realization of Christ and that He died so I wouldn’t have to wallow in my sin. And by his grace I have power to get back up every time I’m down. That is just one great moment with the Creator that I’m positive I would have never have had had I settled for the seemingly benign Weezer or Cake. Psalm 1:1-2 “Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.”

P.S. I went to a Shane Barnard concert last night. A great choice man of God possessing insane musical ability…such an edifying concert. And guess what else? We stopped at Chic-Fil-A on the way up to the concert and much to our surprise this local conservative Christian college was putting on these really cheesy puppet show. So we got to watch it while we ate. So tight.

Jimi out.

Ladies, allow me to explain…

You see ladies I am a gentlemen…a gentleman who honestly desires nothing more than to snag one your species to share life together with. In fact, beyond doing the will of God, there is nothing I desire more in life than a female companion and a bustling household of children. Strange words to come from the mouth of a man you might say, but they remain my aspirations nonetheless. God has really edged in me an intense respect for the institution of marriage and I have even written an extensive (and enlightening) paper on the subject. I believe that God’s true intentions for marriage are seldom reached even by Christians (because most Christians will probably settle, not trusting God for more). The union of a man in a woman is so special that God would use it in order to help us to understand the intimate connection that Christ has with his followers. Having said that…let me now explain my actions toward your kind. You see I need “permission” to be the caring compassionate always gonna be there when times get tough sorta person. You see some guys can be this sort of person to nearly every girl…but I can’t. Because I believe that there is only one who deserves this bend-over backwards, travel to the store at 4am to buy you cough drops sort of commitment. So there lies my conundrum. Because most of you need to see it before you believe it. So where does a man put up his tent. Does he bend-over backwards for any girl he has interest in (or simply just any old girl)? I think these types have forced me to the other side of the pendulum. I will admit that I have certainly gone to far to this side and do make efforts toward the middle ground. I also worry often about being to friendly or overly touchy with any girl because I never want to known as one of those creepy guys. But then I feel like I go to far and seem cold and insensitive. These troubling questions of course are all answered within the bonds of a godly relationship. Two people can communicate with each and no longer have to wonder what to do or how to react. It seems to me that no perfect relationship happens in a moment…but rather through dedication and honest communication. And now ladies…because of your caprice and because of the great mess you can make of a man I leave you with these encouraging words from the Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 7:4-5): The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband…Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. And don’t you forget it! I kid, I kid. Sahbahdoo!

Self-awareness is HUGE

Self-awareness. Not many people posses this quality…and I believe it to be essential in developing into a useful human being. If you don’t understand what I mean by self-awareness just think with me…the girl who is completely self-absorbed and has no idea, the guy that has no clue that his breath is rank, the kid who tells those long-drawn out horrible stories…these of course are very simplistic examples. I believe that self-awareness is most essential for a person to mature, especially spiritually. Without awareness of flaws or shortcomings one is never able to grow. Some of the character flaws that I have been made aware of and am seeking to amend: abrasiveness (especially in first contact with strangers), inability to follow through, lack of compassion, and insensitivity…just to name a few. It’s so easy to get upset when people make us aware of our flaws—the natural response is often to get angry or shrug ‘em off…but the godly response it to listen and learn. Paul says in II Corinthians 13:5 “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.” By enlarge though I think that most people my age do very little self-examination…but we should…not only should we examine ourselves but we should be using self-assessment to steer how we grow. My guess is that you’re probably content to stay being the same person you were yesterday and just continue to react to life. But perhaps that sentence made you angry and you are one of the few who will be more than average…that aspire to do more with life than just “get by.” The hard part is that it takes more than just lofty dreams to rise above average it takes daily discipline and perseverance. So will you today be a better person than you were yesterday? That’s the question I to often have to answer NO to. But not today.

girls shoes

the web page was weak...so I revamped it. believe it or not, my favorite color is pink. yeah i know it's pretty odd for a man to choose pink for his favorite color but who decided that pink was for girls and blue for boys? Actually it ticks me off when i go like Journeys or something to get shoes and all the cool colors are on the girls side...and so you might say well why don't you just buy the girls shoes then? I'm one step ahead of ya and indeed I have bought 2 or 3 pairs of girls shoes, but usually I can't get a size big enough...since I wear 10 1/2 in mens and thus a 12 or so in girls. today my vocab word of the day is misconception, which means a mistaken idea. if you thought this journal entry was going to be deep than you were under a misconception. later.

ok, so here's the deal...

I've been wanting to make a web page journal type-a-thing for a long time now. I have recently taken up journaling this semester because prayer has always been the weakest of the spiritual disciplines for me and so I have been writing them out...which I greatly recommend. I also have found that journaling is very therapeutic for me and I think perhaps others might find encouragement or at least bewilderment in my daily e-journals. My hope is that it will serve as a piece of accountability for me. My desire is to share about my life and since my life's central purpose revolves around Christ and his kingdom my thoughts she be sprinkled with Christ. Also one of my goals for this year was to share with at least one person each day something that I learned from my time in the scriptures. Truth be told I failed miserably at this, but perhaps this will be an easy outlet for me to start realizing this goal. I know that page is wierd...the template is actually designed for a wedding information page, but I dare to be different. I plan on adding and amending to this page so do not fret or determine that I web-paged challenged, perhaps I am, but give me some time to fix things up. I'm out.

P.S. that picture over there is me in second grade...thought you might appreciate it.